What is Benign Neglect?

The word "benign" means harmless. "Benign neglect" is a style of parenting that involves keeping the child in one's consciousness without hovering. For example, let's say I'm washing the dishes and my toddler is nearby playing. I may not have my eyes on him, yet I know he is there playing. The space is safe and I trust my child to take risks. It's a sort of non attention, attention that involves an environment conductive to free play, trust in our children, and a smidgeon of intuition, trusting ourselves to know when to step in, and knowing when to hang back.

Trust in the child is the key word. Children who are supported to take risks, with exploring or climbing or trying something new learn from their efforts. They may not succeed the first time, yet in trying again and again, they eventually succeed. Respect for their efforts as part of the healthy growth process is a form of benign neglect. 

When we see a tower of blocks waving and looking like its going to crash, we don't run in and rescue our child from the blocks falling down. We respect our child's play, and ability to handle the crash and then try again.  

Children who have this opportunity to have a relationship with their body and their world that allows them explore develop confidence in their selves and in their capacities and grow up to be adults who are willing to take risks and try new things, and become very good at solving problems, because they are not afraid to try and fail. 

It's a term that was once used commonly in Waldorf mothering circles to describe trusting our children when they play. It may seem like a contrast to today's hovering and constant surveillance of children.

As a child of the "Go out and play!" generation, I have so many fond memories of walking along stone walls, running in the woods, being away until it was time for lunch or dinner.

How about you, did you experience benign neglect in your play as a child?