Q & A with Lisa
inner rhythm
Dear Lisa, I heard you talk about rhythm and remember that you said something like... "no need for making charts, you have it within you ...and if you don't... cultivate it, one step at a time." Can you explain what you meant by that? What are your thoughts on making charts for children to learn the rhythm of our home?
We are enveloped by rhythm.
The cosmos has a rhythm. The moon has a rhythm.
Our bodies have rhythm: of breath, pulse, blood flow, menstrual rhythm and the seasons of life.
Our lives have a rhythm of day and night.
The moon has a 29.5 day cycle of waxing and waning, becoming full and new again.
Our weeks are based on a seven day rhythm.
Life is steeped in rhythms. Rhythm of the day. Rhythm of the Week. Rhythm of the Year. The rhythm of early childhood, of the early grades, of the middle grades, of high school. The rhythm of life.
Yet we live in a world that is so very focused on what is "out there."
How do we return to our own inner rhythm, our own center? How do we live rhythmically and authentically "from the inside out?"
Each morning, we awaken from our sleep to "right here" to what is inside, what is before us, in this moment. An inner life. An inner world. The ability to hear own own breathing. And that of our children.
Right now I invite you to contemplate the value of inner rhythm. Knowing from deep within that there is a predictable and reliable order to life. Not from a chart or a picture, but from an inner wisdom, an inner knowing that just feels right, that now we have been active and of course, it must be our rest time. I feel it from within.
With the Children's Garden I did not wear a watch, because I knew when it was time for Morning Tea, I knew when it was time for lunch, I knew when it was nap time, because I had internalized the rhythm of our days. As had the children.
You don't need a special chart or peg dolls or perpetual calendar to help you cultivate a healthy rhythm for your family. You need one thing ~ that is to trust yourself, and work from the inside out. Waldorf education is an education from the inside out. It begins within and cultivates the inner life, beginning with having moments of silence, not needing to fill every second, and then telling stories for children to listen to, with no pictures, no screens, just listening, with no analysis of the story, no quiz, no breakdown of who wrote this story and why, just an inner experience of the story.
Rhythm is similar in this way, in that it is something that begins with a spark within, often from a practical need. Bedtime may be stressful, mealtimes might be wild, chores aren't getting done. So we, the adults choose one thing, and work on it. We focus, and say no to those inevitable things that pop up and get in the way of the rhythm we are cultivating. Yes, absolutely, there will be moments when we flex and go with the moment, that knowing of when to let go and go with the flow, that comes from the same inner knowing.
This ability to have an inner experience of time and activity that arises from within is a gift we can give to our children. It strengthens them, reduces anxiety, and builds confidence within, that the world is good, that this life is dependable and trustworthy because there is a natural order to life. When the parent is bringing form to the day through rhythm, the child can relax into just being a child. Over time, the rhythm becomes habit, what naturally flows next, with no need for discussion. .
The children count on us as the adult, as the parent, as the teacher, to hold the rhythm, to carry them through the day, feeling secure that we are carrying the form. The children are free to be children and occupy themselves with play.
When we ask children to keep track of time and what is to come in they day by showing them charts or gnomes, or lists of what will happen, they feel insecure, they feel the absence of a strong adult they can lean into. Asking children questions and asking them to think about the rhythm of the day pulls them out of the dreamy state of childhood where they are so free to play and wonder, and just be children. Children look to us to carry the rhythm. They relax when they know their adult is in charge. They are free to be children.
We adults can create this natural order to our child's world by being present in the moment. Sure we may make notes and plans and tweak them, and have lists or charts of our own, but ultimately any lasting rhythm rhythm will emerge from within.
Children learn by our example. They learn through doing. Children imitate our doing. It is what we do that they absorb. When we find our stride with rhythm, the children come along.
If you are making charts and signs and pictures for your child, I encourage you to go within and look to see if you are living the rhythm first, if you are carrying it. Let our doing create the steady points in our children's days. Let us be the ones who carry the burden of finding the rhythm and holding its form around our children, like a container that provides protection from the chaos and overstimulation of the outer world. This is a gift, this experience of rhythm from within. Once it is established, it tends to flow with ease.
It is easy to be tempted by what is "out there" yet I know that any changes in rhythm in my household must begin with me, for I am the model, the example my child imitates.
When I am living my rhythm from within, it is freeing and energizing. The child absorbs the inner mood that is created, almost as if by osmosis, and comes along into the rhythm, from an inner experience.
At times, I fall off the rhythm wagon, we get into jags of staying up too late or going out too often, or trying to do too many errands in one trip. When that happens, I know within. My body tells me.
I know when we are doing too much. I am the one who needs to make the changes.
As for the activities we do only now and then, like the eye doctor or a visit to the museum, these are not part of our daily rhythm, they go on the calendar.
It is when I come home to myself, to the stillness of the moment, that once again, I notice my breathing, I see my children, I begin to live again into our daily and weekly rhythms.
If you are striving to bring rhythm to your home, start small with one simple change and slowly over time build on that so that your child experiences rhythm as something that envelopes him or her each day and not as a sign or a chart hanging on the wall, but as an inner knowing upon waking that it is a home day or a school day, bun day or soup day. The child knows from a living experience, from living education what to anticipate. This is the gift of inner rhythm.
Q&A with Lisa is my way of responding to your questions that I cannot answer individually. Send me your questions at lisaboisvert(at)yahoo(dot)com with Question in the subject line.
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