Pull them in Closer

Since we are delving into conscious, connected, creative parenting over on the eCourses in February and March, I thought I'd offer some reflection here on a common parenting practice ~ the time out 

::::

Imagine that moment when a child is cranky for some reason or another and is complaining or disruptive. Mama is tired of his whining and sends him to his room for a time out.

The child is clearly out of sorts, and feeling miserable. Let's look at what it means to send a child to his or her room for being miserable. Misery is a feeling, an expression of emotion.

A miserable child is having some big strong emotions, like sadness and disappointment. Children do not know what to do with these big strong feelings, so they lash out and have meltdowns and have tantrums.

This is completely normal and to be expected.

Children have big emotions. They squeal with joy, cry in frustration, stamp their feet, interrupt and whine in the most annoying way.

Our initial impulse is probably to push it away, make it go away, or at least put it out of earshot. (this is probably a protective impulse of sorts!)

Yet the more connected we are with the child and the more accepting we are of their feelings in the moment, even if they want to pummel big brother, the more easy it is for them to get it out and move on.

And the more we ignore it, or discount it or poo poo it, the more likely it is to resurface with new found intensity in a completely unrelated moment. For our emotions go somewhere. They go in deeper and get stronger and heavier to carry around. They emerge with more force the next time. Sometimes they come out in adulthood, and take shapes we had not imagined could exist. But they do.

When we name it and acknowledge it, the child will usually moves through it, like this, "you're feeling sad about not going out to play, you want to be with the other children. you are angry at me for saying no."

Right there we help the child be in his body, be fully present and grounded and aware that he is feeling something strong and it is sadness and anger. If we share a story of our own about being young that helps too sometimes. No need to process the feelings or get into to them deeply or talk about them beyond naming them and acknowledging the child in the moment.

If we send them off to be alone because we are feeling uncomfortable with their feelings, then we have some work to do on ourselves. Sending them off when they are in distress is a form of abandonment.

This is a great example of  where inner work helps us grow and understand our children by understanding ourselves. Then we can respond with calm action rather than react all over the place and make a big mess of it, make our children fearful and teach them to stuff their feelings.

When my children's behavior arouses feelings in me, that is a sign that I have something to look at and release from my own experience of childhood in order to really see my children and respond healthily. We all have it. It is part of being human. When we ignore it and get angry and frustrated with our children's behavior it is very difficult to guide them. We need to take care of ourselves first. Then we can be grounded to really see, hear and feel them and guide them through the big emotions and challenges of life.

When we send our children to their rooms because we don't like their behavior, we are missing a chance to look beneath that behavior at what the child is trying to tell us, what does the child need in this moment? Usually it has to do with connection. A separation only drives it all deeper and makes it harder for the child to grow and learn how to get their needs met in healthy ways. And then we feel bad about ourselves.

Rather than have bad feelings, let go of them, remember we are all learning. Our children are our teachers.

Here's a beautiful and inspiring example of how a teacher pulled them all in closer, children and parents, when a classmate's behavior was challenging.

Come on over and join my Love ~ the Heart of Discipline eCourse next time it runs, if you'd like to plunge into some parenting practices practice, connect with others on this path of conscious, connected and creative parenting, and find ways to ease the struggles, while deepening your understanding of the underpinnings of Waldorf education.

Blessings on your parenting journey,

Announcing eCourse on Discipline Part II

practical strategies for love: the heart of discipline

~ a month of practice
::

Oh dear parents, you know what it is to be a parent. We have moments of sweetness and tenderness that fill and expand our hearts in ways we never imagined possible.

And we have those moments of frustration, when we want to stomp our feet and yell to the universe, "Get me out of here! Take me away, now, please?!"

I have had moments when that little voice inside is saying to me, "This is not what I thought it would be like to be a parent, to be a family. This is so not what I imagined."

Parenting brings out our very best and our worst. Somedays it is hard to find that middle ground, to breath and keep on going, with humor.

In the past few decades, we have seen an explosion of "how to" parenting books. From the "do as I say, not as I do," authoritarian mode, of angry outbursts, to sticks and carrots, to positive affirmation.

But that there is another way. One that rises from within, out of our own experience, out of our own being that is based on the developmental picture of the child and grounded in healthy attachment. One that is sparked by the creative flame in each parent, so it is unique to you. Conscious. Connected. Creative.

For the month of March, for 31 days in a sort of intensive boot camp, I will share practical strategies, based on the developmental picture of the child, that we will practice together through the month.

Come join a wise, warm and engaging community of others on this path.

We'll examine habits that are not working and find new ways to create an inner and outer environment to help bring harmony and breathing to our days. we look at the language we use and find creative responses to situations that are challenging.

I'll do this through the use of tips, examples, pictures of challenging situations and creative approaches.

As a parent of nearly twenty years, teacher and care giver to many children over the years, I bring a good deal of experience in sticky situations. I also have had great teachers throughout my life who have inspired me wit their patience, wisdom, humor and grace. I hope to pass that along to you in this month of practical application.

Registration is Closed

this eCourse runs from March 1 to March 31st

you may return indefinitely after the course ends and closes to new members on March 31st

Registration Options:

:: eCourse only is $25 Sign up here

:: eCourse and all the Living Curriculum Program support materials for March  $45 ~ learn more on what that includes here
:: an eCourse for each month of the year (12), the Living Curriculum program for Twelve months ~ $495

The First Born

Oh, that first child. Sometimes referred to as "the first pancake," the one with whom we test the cooking griddle or perhaps more aptly, the waters of parenting.

My guess is that for many parents, the birth of the first child creates enormous upheaval. 

Imagine, two people who have lived life on their own terms for years suddenly have a small person who is entirely dependent on them for everything: nourishment, warmth, being held, being soothed and stimulated, being kept clean and dry, being moved around, being touched, being wanted, being respected, belonging. The newborn needs care. Immediate care.

So we adults make a huge shift... we go from living our lives as the center point to moving to the periphery, and placing the child in the center of our existence. A baby's needs are so pressing. There is little time to wait with feeding, changing and soothing the newborn baby.

In the beginning, the child is like the little prince or princess, a tiny bit of heaven, who has come to earth and that tiny bit of heaven, that little person, can fill the whole room with his or her peaceful presence.

This is a wet and squishy territory. Our Mama bodies are wet and oozing fluids. Jack Petrasch likens birth to the place where the land meets the sea. A place of wild winds, surf and tides. Forces of nature meet. We are standing at the shore in the wet sand. Then we head west to encounter dry land, mountains and varied terrain.

There comes a time on this journey, when we adults, must assert ourselves as the Queen and Kings of the castle. The royal "we" is born. Time to step into the big shoes. For the little child sees us as being so big, so very big. Step into the royal shoes.

I suspect it is harder for moms because we are biologically primed to be head over heels in love and awestruck by our babies. We are lulled into the dream world of the newborn by our hormones and our bodies, completely driven to nourish and protect this little being with all of our being.

Yet there comes a time to step back, just enough to remember who we are, and to more clearly see this tiny being. For when we are too close, we cannot see clearly. We see only the magical being before us, not the whole picture.

In order for our baby to be the little prince or  princess, he or she must had royal parents too. With the coming of the little prince or princess must come the awakening of the Queen or King. For the prince or princess needs to learn from the royal parents how to be human. 

That is our task and it is a very big and daunting one. 

What happens for some of us is that the baby remains in the center and we in the periphery. We forget about ourselves and our needs. We forget that we are grown ups with adult lives that were meaningful before we had a baby. We get lost in newborn land.

This is just fine in the beginning, when we are adjusting to life with a newborn, yet over the first few months, our job is to move back into center point.

For the child looks to us to learn what it means to be human. If we are looking at the child to lead us, we won't get anywhere but exhausted and confused.

The baby needs us to be engaged in life. For it is through our example that the child learns and imitate what it is to be human.

So that means time to pull up the big girl panties and Be the Queen. This way we can teach our children how to be in the world.

Small children come with great awareness and connection from the spiritual world to the earth, the material world. They will teach us so much in our lifetimes. Yet they arrive and need to figure out how to be in this world. They know not of day and night, near and far. They are here. And now.

Our task is to step into the center and be the example and the wise and strong, kind and firm, loving and gentle guide.

If this is something you'd like to take up and examine in more depth, join me in my new eCourse Love :: The Heart of Discipline for 4 weeks of work on discipline "from the inside out." here

Announcing an eCourse on Discipline

Love :: The Heart of Discipline
~ a conscious, creative, connected, gentle parenting eCourse

February 1 ~ February 28

registration is closed

“My hunch is that if we allow ourselves to give who we really are to the children in our care, we will in some way inspire cartwheels in their hearts.” ~ Fred Rogers

Join me for four weeks of exploration into parenting from the heart that allows you to give who you really are in your parenting. We'll explore conscious, creative and connected parenting through practical examples and real scenarios of living with children.

Are you?

• Tired of repeating yourself? nagging? yelling?
• Feeling exasperated when your child does not respond to your words?
• Having parenting moments in which you just don't know what to do?
• Do you wish you had other ways to respond?
• Would you like to laugh more?
• Do you sometimes feel lost when it comes to discipline?
• Does being with children exhaust you?
• Is the idea of discipline overwhelming to you? 
• Do you spend alot of time reading about discipline and parenting styles and wonder why they don't seem to work?
• Seeking ways to bring your child along without resistance?
• Wondering how you can make the day flow more peacefully?
• Are you looking for gentle ways to help your child grow peacefully as a human being?
• Would you like to lighten up and be more creative with discipline?

Come join me in this 4 week eCourse for practical examples and practice.

Me

When my first child was born, I was certain that if he had a gentle birth, was breastfed, co-slept in the family bed and I spent time with him and practiced attachment parenting that our life together would be smooth and harmonious. Are you laughing yet?

I wasn't.
The first year was very sweet with a happy baby whose needs were met. Then at one year he began walking and exploring and getting in to everything. He needed boundaries and loads of focused attention. I needed to make dinner and do laundry, attend to clients at prenatal visits, teach childbirth classes and go to labors and births.

I really struggled with "what to do." Especially in the toddler years. I knew clearly in my heart what I was not willing to do, yet I was at a loss for what "to do."

So I plugged along and found my way. I read books to no avail. Talked to friends. Made changes in myself and in our home life. Over the years it began to emerge, a picture of the child, the development of the child and the inner development of the adult. Playful parenting and the authoritative parent. Attachment and boundaries. Responding rather than reacting. Seeing the child for who he is. It all coalesced for me.

Did that make me the perfect parent? No, not at all. I have gained some clarity around the parent-child relationship and I have learned when to let go and when to forge ahead. I've learned to talk less and do more. I've learned to recognize when my child needs more connection with me and I have learned so much about boundaries. I don't get exasperated anymore. This baby who taught me so much is now 18 years old and continues to teach me.

Since those first tender days of new motherhood, I have had the great gift of teaching and caring for other people's children. This makes learning so much easier. Our own children come to us with such intensity and we are so often in the heat of the moment, that it can be hard to see the whole picture. Child number two came along eleven years ago and brought new opportunities for learning how he needs to be parented.

I have thought about offering this course for years. And waited. And waited. Now it feels like the time is ripe.

I am offering this eCourse to help you develop a clearer picture of the child, to find humor and creativity in the hard moments and to have plenty of hands on practice over the course of the month.

We'll focus on real life challenges over the course of the month: tantrums, resistance, "not hearing," name calling, sibling bashing, biting, hair pulling and what happens when parents have two distinct styles of discipline, and more, with practical examples to help you be who you really are!
I hope you'll join me for a month of practical examples and practice to make your parenting more conscious, creative and connected.

Registration Options:

:: eCourse only is $25 Sign up here

:: eCourse and all the Living Curriculum Program support materials for February  $45 ~ learn more on what that includes here
:: an eCourse for each month of the year (12), the Living Curriculum program for Twelve months ~ $495

Please know that I have kept the fee low to make it accessible.

An Inner Experience of Rhythm

Q & A with Lisa

inner rhythm

Dear Lisa, I heard you talk about rhythm and remember that you said something like... "no need for making charts, you have it within  you ...and if you don't... cultivate it, one step at a time." Can you explain what you meant by that? What are your thoughts on making charts for children to learn the rhythm of our home?

We are enveloped by rhythm.

The cosmos has a rhythm. The moon has a rhythm.

Our bodies have rhythm: of breath, pulse, blood flow, menstrual rhythm and the seasons of life.

Our lives have a rhythm of day and night.

The moon has a 29.5 day cycle of waxing and waning, becoming full and new again.

Our weeks are based on a seven day rhythm.

Our year is based on the movement of our earth around the sun.

Life is steeped in rhythms. Rhythm of the day. Rhythm of the Week. Rhythm of the Year. The rhythm of early childhood, of the early grades, of the middle grades, of high school. The rhythm of life.

Yet we live in a world that is so very focused on what is "out there."

How do we return to our own inner rhythm, our own center? How do we live rhythmically and  authentically "from the inside out?"

Each morning, we awaken from our sleep to "right here" to what is inside, what is before us, in this moment. An inner life. An inner world. The ability to hear own own breathing. And that of our children.

Right now I  invite you to contemplate the value of inner rhythm. Knowing from deep within that there is a predictable and reliable order to life. Not from a chart or a picture, but from an inner wisdom, an inner knowing that just feels right, that now we have been active and of course, it must be our rest time. I feel it from within.

With the Children's Garden  I did not wear a watch, because I knew when it was time for Morning Tea, I knew when it was time for lunch, I knew when it was nap time, because I had internalized the rhythm of our days. As had the children.  

You don't need a special chart or peg dolls or perpetual calendar to help you cultivate a healthy rhythm for your family. You need one thing ~ that is to trust yourself, and work from the inside out. Waldorf education is an education from the inside out. It begins within and cultivates the inner life, beginning with having moments of silence, not needing to fill every second, and then telling stories for children to listen to, with no pictures, no screens, just listening, with no analysis of the story, no quiz, no breakdown of who wrote this story and why, just an inner experience of the story. 

Rhythm is similar in this way, in that it is something that begins with a spark within, often from a practical need. Bedtime may be stressful, mealtimes might be wild, chores aren't getting done. So we, the adults choose one thing, and work on it. We focus, and say no to those inevitable things that pop up and get in the way of the rhythm we are cultivating. Yes, absolutely, there will be moments when we flex and go with the moment, that knowing of when to let go and go with the flow, that comes from the same inner knowing. 

This ability to have an inner experience of time and activity that arises from within is a gift we can give to our children. It strengthens them, reduces anxiety, and builds confidence within, that the world is good, that this life is dependable and trustworthy because there is a natural order to life. When  the parent is bringing form to the day through rhythm, the child can relax into just being a child. Over time, the rhythm becomes habit, what naturally flows next, with no need for discussion. .

The children count on us as the adult, as the parent, as the teacher, to hold the rhythm, to carry them through the day, feeling secure that we are carrying the form. The children are free to be children and occupy themselves with play. 

When we ask children to keep track of time and what is to come in they day by showing them charts or gnomes, or lists of what will happen, they feel insecure, they feel the absence of a strong adult they can lean into. Asking children questions and asking them to think about the rhythm of the day pulls them out of the dreamy state of childhood where they are so free to play and wonder, and just be children. Children look to us to carry the rhythm. They relax when they know their adult is in charge. They are free to be children.

We adults can create this natural order to our child's world by being present in the moment. Sure we may make notes and plans and tweak them, and have lists or charts of our own, but ultimately any lasting rhythm rhythm will emerge from within. 

Children learn by our example. They learn through doing. Children imitate our doing. It is what we do that they absorb. When we find our stride with rhythm, the children come along.

If you are making charts and signs and pictures for your child, I encourage you to go within and look to see if you are living the rhythm first, if you are carrying it. Let our doing create the steady points in our children's days. Let us be the ones who carry the burden of finding the rhythm and holding its form around our children, like a container that provides protection from the chaos and overstimulation of the outer world. This is a gift, this experience of rhythm from within. Once it is established, it tends to flow with ease.

It is easy to be tempted by what is "out there" yet I know that any changes in rhythm in my household  must begin with me, for I am the model, the example my child imitates. 

When I am living my rhythm from within, it is freeing and energizing. The child absorbs the inner mood that is created, almost as if by osmosis, and comes along into the rhythm, from an inner experience.

At times, I fall off the rhythm wagon, we get into jags of staying up too late or going out too often, or trying to do too many errands in one trip. When that happens, I know within. My body tells me.

I know when we are doing too much. I am the one who needs to make the changes.

As for the activities we do only now and then, like the eye doctor or a visit to the museum, these are not part of our daily rhythm, they go on the calendar. 

It is when I come home to myself, to the stillness of the moment, that once again, I notice my breathing, I see my children, I begin to live again into our daily and weekly rhythms.

If you are striving to bring rhythm to your home, start small with one simple change and slowly over time build on that so that your child experiences rhythm as something that envelopes him or her each day and not as a sign or a chart hanging on the wall, but as an inner knowing upon waking that it is a home day or a school day, bun day or soup day. The child knows from a living experience, from living education what to anticipate. This is the gift of inner rhythm.

Q&A with Lisa is my way of responding to your questions that I cannot answer individually. Send me your questions at lisaboisvert(at)yahoo(dot)com with Question in the subject line. 

If you'd like to work with me, consider joining my year round program with monthly guides and eCourses. 

this morning

good morning morning

I see the moon

I awoke this morning to greet the new day and upon opening the door to the new day, I saw the moon making its way towards slumber as I was making my way towards day. 

a little ditty we sing when we see the moon:

I see the moon

and the moon sees me

oh how lucky

we can be

{this moment}

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. a photo capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to celebrate!

With great joy and surprise I found the first egg of the season this morning from our only auracauna, a sweet and talkative girl named Henny, wahoo! with gratitude for fresh eggs.

joining with Amanda over at SouleMama

Happy Week ~ending my friends!

For a Season of Epiphany!

For a little perspective on the Epiphany and Three Kings Day within the rhythm of the Christian year.

Today, January 6th, is the Feast of the Epiphany also known as Three Kings Day. It follows Twelfth Night, the last of the Twelve days and Holy Nights of Christmas.

This celebration is of the Epiphany. The word "epiphany" mean "to reveal, to appear, to manifest" and from "above." It was the great star in the sky that was not a star at all that brought the three kings from afar in search of the new king, the child of light. It's also a reminder for us, of the manifestation of the divine light within each of us. For this reason, stars are a symbol of this celebration.

Twelfth Night is the culmination of the twelve days of Christmas as well as the Twelve Holy Nights.

While the Epiphany and Three Kings day marks the start of the season of Epiphany, in Europe it's celebrated as Carnival, which lasts until Mardi Gras, an occasion for great celebration with parades, music, dancing and another King’s Cake, this one with a bean or baby Jesus tucked inside. Baby Jesus you exclaim? Yes, the Kings were seeking the baby Jesus, thus a baby Jesus tucked inside for seeking. Some people use a trinket instead. In France the bean is a lava bean and known as "le feve."

Epiphany is seen by some to herald the end of the Christmas season. Yet others today and throughout history look to Candlemas on the 2nd of February and beyond to mark the end of Christmas. In Medieval times greens were kept in the house until Candlemas. Candlemas is the Celebration of the Light of the World, more here.

Epiphany may be embraced as a four week season balancing the season of Advent with the Twelve Days of Christmas in the center. Four weeks of anticipation, moving towards and four weeks of awakening, digesting and assimilating that which has come to us.

The celebration of Epiphany is a heavily loaded one for it encompasses the arrival of the Three Kings from the East bearing gold, frankincense and myrrh, each one coming from a different place, each one heralded on by the appearance of a star.

Mardi Gras, the last hurrah before Lent, is also about the Three Kings. The colors of Mardi Gras are gold, green and purple. In New Orleans, many floats are led by three kings on horseback showering gifts of purple, green and gold coins, beads and trinkets. The purple is for Myrrh, a reddish purplish brown resin, green for Frankincense, a light green resin from the Boswellia tree and gold, the gifts the Magi brought.

Rudolf Steiner who brought forth Waldorf education, stated "Festivals are not merely the commemoration of historical events or personalities. They are in and of themselves, each year, spiritual events carrying a significance that grows and deepens with the developing phases of human evolution."

More on celebrating Three Kings Day is available in the Celebrate the Rhythm of Life in January group here.

Announcing a New eCourse on Rhythm!

When Less is More :: 31 Days to Rhythm Boot Camp

January 1st - January 31st

 31 days 

Now open for registration

REGISTRATION IS CLOSED

Many of you have been asking me for a follow course up to the Get Organized :: Sketch it Out! Planning Session of last summer. Well, here it is…

When Less is More :: 31 Days to Rhythm is a 31 day eCourse that provides a place where we can gather with a cup of tea during these cozy days of winter, at this time in the year when we are most focused inward in our thinking, and reflect on the rhythm, routine and reverence in our lives and homes.

We'll look at family values, the needs of children and adults, mealtimes, bedtimes, play, fresh air and the spaces of time in-between. We'll reflect on what can help each of us bring more rhythm and spaciousness to daily life. With simple and practical ideas and suggestions.

With this new course, I will take you by the hand for the 31 days of January and help you become more  clear on your family values, more present in the moment and implement daily rhythm into your life. After that you can go back into the eCourse over and over again for it will be up indefinitely. Forever I am told.

The Schedule:

Now :: Gathering and Greeting
Week 1 :: January 1 -Nourish :: Eat

Week 2 :: January 8 - Renew :: Sleep

Week 3 :: January 15 - Make Magical Metamamorphosis :: Play

Week 4 :: January 22  - Weave :: Love and Connection

We'll work out of the 3 R's of Waldorf education: Rhythm, Repetition and Reverence. We'll find beauty in the simple and the ordinary, as well as incorporate simple and practical creative and artistic endeavors that make daily life more meaningful and pleasant. And easier too!

We'll look at different approaches to rhythm. Some of us are night birds and some of us are up with the birds and some of us are both! We'll explore how to find renewal and renewed energy to meet our children where they are at each day.

I am very excited about this eCourse because it is set up on a brand new private site that is lovely and easy to access and keep track of. Everything for the eCourse is there at the site.

Are you?

• Curious about rhythm, wondering what it is beyond a schedule?
• Wanting to bring more beauty and harmony into your life?
• Wishing you had more peaceful mealtimes?
• Seeking more meaningful bedtimes?
• Wanting to ease transitions?
• Wondering how breathing and rhythm are connected?
• Desiring to feel more connected?
• Longing for a deeper awareness of nature's rhythms?
• Imagining a home that is more peaceful and harmonious?

If so, then join our group of rhythm making mamas! (and papas too if they should join.)

::

31 Days to Rhythm Includes:

* 31 days of rhythm reminders

* 4 weeks of focused practical activities

* 2 handwork projects (child's apron and a sleep time fairy)

*a wild, wise and wonderful community

*a round table discussion with homeschooling moms

*lots of enthusiastic support

::

::

Ready to Get Rhythm?

click here to sign up

$25
all new easy to access format

Upon the Shelf

Ever wish you could just disappear for a bit?

Wouldn't it be nice to climb upon the shelf

and take a little nap

With no one hooting and hollering for you 

Wish I could at times. 

::

this day

so grateful for this day 

Gratitude

Day 11

such sweetness with gratitude for pie for breakfast